upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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