overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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