Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
