Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
