You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
is wine microwaveable?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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