i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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