I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just had sex on a roof
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
