I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
