My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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