oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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