Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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