It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
