Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
