I just pynch a tree in the face
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Are we still banned from the library?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
