her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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