I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
