A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
