my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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