listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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