why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
