I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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