I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
