He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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