I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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