I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You made out with two different species that night
Someone came in the potted fern
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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