Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
