I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
