He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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