I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I need a beard to bite.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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