Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
