sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
