I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
