Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
