An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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