When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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