I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
