New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
