so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
