he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
