You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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