nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
