i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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