Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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