my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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