cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
