My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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