So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
