Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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