That's when you crack a 10am beer
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
