If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
