Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
