If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
